This won't be a long story, but it deals with, I think, some very poignant matters...

Earlier this evening, Ben and I were browsing the shoe department at a certain sporting goods store, when I pulled out a box containing a particularly stunning pair of New Balance running shoes. I opened the box. Inside was a pair of shoes (I kid you not!), but something else caught my eye. It was the small packet of stuff that keeps the shoes smelling fresh, and it was labeled simply "Do Not Eat!"

At this point, my mind began to compose a series of questions: Has there been a major problem with customers eating these packets? What do they taste like? Furthermore, why don't the shoes themselves have a Do Not Eat! warning label? Would not they, too, be harmful to your digestive system? Just what makes this little packet worthy of this warning, when other objects may be far more damaging if eaten--such as a bowling ball or a lawn mower? Why don't these digestive nightmares exhibit a similar warning?

Questions. Important questions. Yet questions without answers. If there are any among you who can help elucidate these matters, please share your wisdom in the comments window.

Oh, I almost forgot...

Thank you. Goodnight.